The 6-week course

You know, I’m a believer that there is more to college than simply vocational training. I believe that the arts and humanities mean something. That critical thinking skills are the cornerstone of a good education. But folks, there just certain things one should know as a college graduate. Things that don’t need to be pondered and debated. Truths – facts of life. And it can all come from a 6-week course. If there are any college administrators listening…

Here’s the thing: Life hinges on a very few truths, and most of them have nothing to do with talent or education (unless we’re talking about my 6-week course…). But no one tells us these things until it’s too late. Or maybe they do, but no one puts it in a course, makes us study for it and pass a test. Maybe if they did we wouldn’t come out of college so clueless. Here’s some highlights of the curriculum:

Handshake firmness: Fish or vise? Wrong!
Is my credit rating more or less important than what college I went to? Are you f#%king serious?
Should I put my resume on the exact same ivory, watermarked paper as every single other college graduate? Should I use the Times font?
Does owning a home, no matter how small, tilt the entire economic system to my favor?
Should I pay any attention to the political party I think I hate?
I have belt loops. Should I wear a belt?
Eye contact. My dad says it’s important. What could he possibly know?
Thank you note after the job interview? Why would I want to draw attention to myself?
My French Cuffed shirt came with little plastic "cufflinks." I should wear those, right?

And there are 100 more. A hundred more things that colleges should be ashamed they don’t teach. I am begging the American college system to send me graduates armed with a firm handshake, creative resumes and good credit. Graduates who know the being on time isn’t an option. I’m not talking about 18 credits. Just a 6-week course. Teach students what they really need to know, and who knows? You might just get a thank you note.

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